Thursday, August 23, 2012


so i had a somewhat unnerving sleep paralysis experience last night. sleep paralysis is this state between waking and sleeping can be brought on by fatigue and is sort of like your body falling asleep before your mind. however it can also be self-induced without fatigue through hypnosis/meditation. So your body is totally paralyzed and it can also be accompanied by visions. I used to get this a lot as a teenager and was terrified of it until i learned it was a 'thing'. later on i learned that it can be used as a state for remote viewing and as a gateway to astral projection and that what i thought were hallucinations were really me being able to perceive more of what was really there or other dimensions/planes.
sometimes now i try to use my sleep paralysis to explore these dimensions further. unfortunately paranoia and fear can be symptoms of the hypnagogic state in sleep paralysis and if you are afraid it is hard to result in projection.
last night i fell into sleep paralysis due to fatigue. finding myself in that state i tried to stay calm and go with the flow of it. usually when i get sleep paralysis im lying flat on my back and can see the room im sleeping in (through closed eyes) though sometimes with other dimensions superimposed. this time though i was sleeping on my stomach (its very rare to get sleep paralysis in this position) and i could not see anything but only felt as in a sort of darkness with possibly white swirling particles of motion around me. i heard a voice, very robotic and distorted, speaking to me. it was very difficult to hear what it was saying and it sounded a bit monstrous so i was getting a little scared. I finally made out what sounded like "get out of this city". I also felt the sensations of beginning an astral projection and was trying to go with that until a wave of paranoia came over me and i thought maybe this entity was saying "get out of this body". I wasn't sure and I thought in my paranoia that this entity may be trying to push me out of my body forcefully and take possession so I struggled free from the paralysis and came back into waking consciousness.
Lying awake now i had some things to think about. and the main thought that stuck out to me was, how do you know which other-dimensional entities to trust? Now i try not to subscribe to fear. I feel that all fear can be combated with love. but it's still something im striving toward and am far from achieving. So i started thinking about the fear in this situation. and about good and evil. what if this was an evil entity trying to possess me? where would i go? would i share existence with it, would i unknowingly take it into my own identity, would i be sent to wander some other plane, would i return to oblivion? asking myself these questions i realized how far i am from being free from fear and free from ego.
 first of all, i don't believe in good and evil. its more about opposition to each others will here (if thats what the entity was really trying to do). the fear of these outcomes is what stopped me from following through into a projection and learning more about other-dimensional space. if i am really dedicated to exploring these metaphysical/mystical/paranormal questions i have however, i have to not let this fear get in the way. That means no fear of oblivion. I think thats the one that scared me the most..was simply not existing anymore as a condensed form but being dispersed back into force. which means loss of me (really all the fears i had were about loss of me, my identity). so if i am going to continue these explorations deeply, i need to have no fear of oblivion. and that doesn't just mean i don't fear it because i believe the power of love will not let it happen. it means no fear because you accept that it might happen. you have to be willing to sacrifice yourself (meaning your transmutation from form to force).
(on the other hand what if it really was telling me to get out of the city?)
been trying a little practice to help with breaking down my ego and self-importance. when i am interacting with another person or thinking of another person i also tell myself i am that person. even just declaring that in your thoughts helps. sometimes i find it necessary to meditate on it a little longer if it feels like this person is pretty different from me or if i have some kind of conflict with them. but i always find the place where we both fit and both are one. this can be really helpful if you are feeling anger or jealousy toward someone. you can also do this with animals and inanimate objects. hopefully this slow dissipation of my self will help me to not fear oblivion.
what are your thoughts on all of this?